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Finances



Brief Display


Total Cost $1392


Total Raised $1392


Amount Remaining $0


Ticketing Deadline 05.14.10


Amount Needed $0

Because that's how much more money I need for my trip. Not only was the entire cost of the trip provided, but God really showed off and provided the money for all of my vaccinations, my medications, domestic plane tickets, and for the extra supplies I need personally for the supplies! God is Good!! :)

5 days from now I will be on a plane on my way to Miami to meet my team, and head for Haiti. I am so excited to see what God has in store. Mesi Jezi.

Trusting

Time is quickly dwindling down for my trip to Haiti. I got to talk with my Encouragement Rep last night, which was wonderful. We talked for an hour about how incredible this trip is going to be, and how much we've seen God move just in the preparations. I know our God is into details, because of all the little things that He's worked out and put together in the past could of weeks for this trip. I'm not completely sure what I'm getting myself into, but I know that God has something amazing in store for me, and the rest of my team. He's been streching me and challenging me in areas of my life that need work, and need to be given up to Him, before I ever set foot on an airplane. I'm trusting that whatever He's going to do, He's preparing me for.

I've been reading several blogs from missionaries on the ground in Haiti, and trying to do some research, to learn about the people that I will be serving. I've read several, but one for Real Hope for Haiti somehow flew under my radar. However I came across them today, and as I read, my eyes landed on this entry. And I sat at my desk at work with tears rolling down my face. Here's the stupid, selfish conversation with God that went on in my head....

How could you allow something like this to happen? Why didn't she care??? What in the world do I have to offer someone who is dealing with such awful things? Doesn't it break your heart to see your children suffering like this? (and on and on...)

Thankfully, God know's I'm an idiot and knows that I don't understand alot. He just listens and then lets me know that, yes; it does hurt Him. This world is an imperfect place. He took this little girl to be with Him in the perfect place, where He can hold her and love on her and she will be taken care of. And then I heard This is why I'm sending you.

HUH?

I haven't had the chance to hash this out, or clarify what I'm getting from Him, so that clarification with specifics will have to wait. But one thing I know for sure is that I desire more. I want to do something that will help others on more than just a surface level. I feel like I'm being called to something different. And at this moment I have NO IDEA what that means. :) I know that God is leading me somewhere new, and somewhere that is going to strech me more than I ever thought possible. I told Martha (my Encouragement Rep) last night that I feel that this trip is just a first step toward a bigger picture for where God wants my life...

Kinda scary-exciting-intriguing-alotofotherthingsthatIcan'tfindwordsforrightnow.

Joshua 1:9

so the first actual break down came tonight. we were watching a show where a kid's mom had just died and it showed him watching a video of one of his birthdays with her in it and for some reason, all i could think was "what if i die in Haiti? will that be my kids?" and then the tears came.

i know it's dumb. satan uses dumb tricks to try to move us away from where God wants us.

he won't move me.

I know my God has called me to Haiti and He will direct my paths. And with the resolve of the 3 hebrew boys in Babylon I know that "even if He does not deliver me I will still trust Him".

20 days

I will be in Haiti in 20 days. The details are coming together. Time is moving in fast motion, all heading toward the day that I will head to Raleigh, get on board a train and head towards Miami on my way to Ayiti.

I know I've said this several times, but there is so much on my mind as I grow closer to the day I leave. I'm not afraid. I know that sounds strange, but I'm honestly not afraid of the actual trip. Even though this will be my first intense missions trip and first time on an airplane and first time leaving the country and first time traveling anywhere by myself....none of that worries me.

I'm sad to say it, but the one thing that really rattles me is being away from Tyler. I've always had him there. He's always been my buffer when I've had to deal with new and frightening things. He's the "been there, done that" guy. He knows almost everything. It's so much easier to let him take the lead when we're together. I've just always allowed him to be that rock for me. I know, sad. I feel as though one of the reasons God has called me to Haiti is to put me in a place and position where I have to rely on Him, and ONLY Him. No Tyler, no parents, no friends, no kids to hide behind. Just me, pressing into the Lord and allowing HIM to be my strength.

So here I go. Taking a step into the unknown, knowing that that step will be met by the One who has called me. The One who knows exactly how many days I have. Who sees and understands all that I am dealing with now, and that I will be dealing with on my way to, while I'm in and heading back from Haiti. I'm such a jerk human, with stupid human emotions and feelings. It's time to let go and give it all to my Daddy.

In case anyone else is actually reading this besides me and God, I am in need of about $1000 more to get me there. Satan keeps throwing crap in our path and making things pop up that require the money that I thought we could allot for the trip. Shots are costing more, etc. But I know that my God is faithful and will provide. He doesn't call us to something and then just leave us hanging on a limb without any way to get to where He's wanting us to go. So if you're feeling a tugging in your spirit to help a sista out ;) anything would be greatly appreciated.

I think this is all I've got for now. I'm exhausted. The kids and I have been at my parent's house over the weekend because Tyler is sick and it's easier to just move us out and not have to worry about any germs that may be lurking around the house until I know he's better. I didn't get much sleep last night, and haven't had much rest today...and truthfully, am just missing my better half. But I am enjoying getting to spend some time with the rents. So it's not all bad. I just miss my bed. :) It's a GREAT bed. I'll miss that in Haiti too.

Jules

...it's been awhile...

Much has happened since the last time I blogged. I know that I should be doing better with this thing, but with 3 kids at home and lots going on at work and church, the blog gets a little ignored. Sorry about that for the 2 people who actually probably read this...

I (officially) got my seat on the flight to Haiti!! Praise the Lord!! I know that He is in this completely, and know that He is going to get me there. Money is tight right now, and I know that there's a lot that will come up in the next 4 weeks that Satan will use to try to dissuade me from going, but I'm trusting in My Father that this is His will and I will stay strong. There is lots to do; paperwork to be filled out and sent off, shots to be gotten (yuck) and money that needs to come in. but My God is big. And He is in control.

I don't have a whole lot more to say, so I'll leave you with two things. The first are the verses that God has given me for this trip. It's hard for me to understand that He has truly chosen me for this trip and to really be His hands and feet to the people of Haiti. But these verses let my heart know that He has chosen me and is going to use me in a mighty way. The second is the lyrics to the song that has become my "Haiti Song". :) Enjoy.

Isaiah 49:1-7

1 Listen to me, all you in distant lands!
Pay attention, you who are far away!
The Lord called me before my birth;
from within the womb he called me by name.
2 He made my words of judgment as sharp as a sword.
He has hidden me in the shadow of his hand.
I am like a sharp arrow in his quiver.

3 He said to me, “You are my servant, Israel,
and you will bring me glory.”

4 I replied, “But my work seems so useless!
I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose.
Yet I leave it all in the Lord’s hand;
I will trust God for my reward.”

5 And now the Lord speaks—
the one who formed me in my mother’s womb to be his servant,
who commissioned me to bring Israel back to him.
The Lord has honored me,
and my God has given me strength.
6 He says, “You will do more than restore the people of Israel to me.
I will make you a light to the Gentiles,
and you will bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.”

7 The Lord, the Redeemer
and Holy One of Israel,
says to the one who is despised and rejected by the nations,
to the one who is the servant of rulers:
“Kings will stand at attention when you pass by.
Princes will also bow low
because of the Lord, the faithful one,
the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you.”


Shadowfeet {Brooke Frasier}
Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
toward home, a land that i've never seen
I am changing, less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when i began
and i have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day

[CHORUS]
when the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you

Theres distraction buzzing in my head
saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
but I've heard rumours of true reality
whispers of a well-lit way

[CHORUS]
You make all things new
You make all things new
You make all things new
You make all things
You make all things

[CHORUS 2]

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you

stress stress stress

too much too much too much

not enough not enough not enough

Jesus,
Give me what I need.
I suck at this by myself.

Lessons from a Shunemmite Woman

Elisha and the Woman from Shunem



8 One day Elisha went to the town of Shunem. A wealthy woman lived there, and she urged him to come to her home for a meal. After that, whenever he passed that way, he would stop there for something to eat. 9 She said to her husband, “I am sure this man who stops in from time to time is a holy man of God. 10 Let’s build a small room for him on the roof and furnish it with a bed, a table, a chair, and a lamp. Then he will have a place to stay whenever he comes by.” 11 One day Elisha returned to Shunem, and he went up to this upper room to rest. 12 He said to his servant Gehazi, “Tell the woman from Shunem I want to speak to her.” When she appeared, 13 Elisha said to Gehazi, “Tell her, ‘We appreciate the kind concern you have shown us. What can we do for you? Can we put in a good word for you to the king or to the commander of the army?’” “No,” she replied, “my family takes good care of me.”
14 Later Elisha asked Gehazi, “What can we do for her?” Gehazi replied, “She doesn’t have a son, and her husband is an old man.” 15 “Call her back again,” Elisha told him. When the woman returned, Elisha said to her as she stood in the doorway, 16 “Next year at this time you will be holding a son in your arms!”
“No, my lord!” she cried. “O man of God, don’t deceive me and get my hopes up like that.” 17 But sure enough, the woman soon became pregnant. And at that time the following year she had a son, just as Elisha had said.


18 One day when her child was older, he went out to help his father, who was working with the harvesters. 19 Suddenly he cried out, “My head hurts! My head hurts!” His father said to one of the servants, “Carry him home to his mother.” 20 So the servant took him home, and his mother held him on her lap. But around noontime he died. 21 She carried him up and laid him on the bed of the man of God, then shut the door and left him there. 22 She sent a message to her husband: “Send one of the servants and a donkey so that I can hurry to the man of God and come right back.” 23 “Why go today?” he asked. “It is neither a new moon festival nor a Sabbath.” But she said, “It will be all right.” 24 So she saddled the donkey and said to the servant, “Hurry! Don’t slow down unless I tell you to.” 25 As she approached the man of God at Mount Carmel, Elisha saw her in the distance. He said to Gehazi, “Look, the woman from Shunem is coming. 26 Run out to meet her and ask her, ‘Is everything all right with you, your husband, and your child?’” “Yes,” the woman told Gehazi, “everything is fine.”


27 But when she came to the man of God at the mountain, she fell to the ground before him and caught hold of his feet. Gehazi began to push her away, but the man of God said, “Leave her alone. She is deeply troubled, but the Lord has not told me what it is.” 28 Then she said, “Did I ask you for a son, my lord? And didn’t I say, ‘Don’t deceive me and get my hopes up’?” 29 Then Elisha said to Gehazi, “Get ready to travel[a]; take my staff and go! Don’t talk to anyone along the way. Go quickly and lay the staff on the child’s face.” 30 But the boy’s mother said, “As surely as the Lord lives and you yourself live, I won’t go home unless you go with me.” So Elisha returned with her. 31 Gehazi hurried on ahead and laid the staff on the child’s face, but nothing happened. There was no sign of life. He returned to meet Elisha and told him, “The child is still dead.”
32 When Elisha arrived, the child was indeed dead, lying there on the prophet’s bed. 33 He went in alone and shut the door behind him and prayed to the Lord. 34 Then he lay down on the child’s body, placing his mouth on the child’s mouth, his eyes on the child’s eyes, and his hands on the child’s hands. And as he stretched out on him, the child’s body began to grow warm again! 35 Elisha got up, walked back and forth across the room once, and then stretched himself out again on the child. This time the boy sneezed seven times and opened his eyes! 36 Then Elisha summoned Gehazi. “Call the child’s mother!” he said. And when she came in, Elisha said, “Here, take your son!” 37 She fell at his feet and bowed before him, overwhelmed with gratitude. Then she took her son in her arms and carried him downstairs.

...so this scripture popped up in something I was reading today, and I'm still attempting to process the potential application in my own life of the meaning I'm getting out of it (if THAT made any sense...). So I'm going to ask you to bear with me as I attempt to sort out my jumbled thoughts...
This woman was pretty great. She sensed that Elisha was a man of God and opened her home to him, to the extent of building a room on top of her house for him to be able to rest when he passed through town. She was humble, hospitable and kind. Elisha was so touched by her kindness, he asked her what she wanted...ANYTHING that she wanted would be given to her. And she says she needs nothing...all she has is sufficient for her. Then Elisha finds out that she is barren, yet she yearns for a child. So he tells her she will have a child by that time the next year. And she does.


To me, this is pretty incredible. We all have dreams and desires within us. Some that are short sighted and truthfully, not that important. And some that we feel the need for and desire for within our very bones. The latter is what I believe this woman's desire for a child was like. After all of this time, she is finally rewarded with a child. Having my children, although strenuous at times, has been one of the most incredible blessings of my life. I've always wanted kids (perhaps not as quickly and close together as they were given to me, but desired them, nonetheless). I've always know that if I wasn't able to have kids, I would feel a great sense of loss. I can only imagine how this woman was feeling. Then Elisha shows up and basically grants her wish. Her reaction, like many of us who have held on to a dream that we've virtually given up on, was doubt. (v.16 “No, my lord!” she cried. “O man of God, don’t deceive me and get my hopes up like that.”)

But her doubts were squelched a year later when she was blessed with a beautiful baby boy. Several years go by and her son grows into a young man. Until one day, while working in the fields with his father, he is struck with pains in his head (possibly heat stroke or an anyerism?) and is rushed home, where he dies in his mother's arms.

WHAT?!?!?!

 The kid dies in his mother's arms?? The same mother who had yearned for him, desired him, undoubtedly prayed for him, now holds her dead child on her lap.Why would a God who gave her this incredible blessing allow it to DIE right in her arms?? What kind of sense would that make? Instead of skipping to the wonderful miracle part of the story, we're going to take a slight detour here...We all have dreams, aspirations, callings, ministries, etc...Many of those line up with what God has called us to do with our lives, that will ultimately give Him glory. These ministries, callings, dreams, aspirations, and so forth, are placed on our hearts by God himself. However, so many times, our stupid human nature takes over, and we allow our calling, our dream, our ministry to come before the God who called us. So many times we wonder why God allowed us to have an incredible, on fire ministry that fizzled out right before our eyes. Or to see a dream that we have had for years, finally come to fruition, only to die in our arms after only holding it for a little while. Could it be because we allowed that dream or ministry to become our god? That we have allowed something, albeit wonderful and probably good, to stand in the way of our focus and love for our Creator.
It may be hard for us to understand or deal with in the midst of it, but knowing that our God always has a plan and a purpose for everything He allows us to go through, should bring us comfort in dealing with times such as these. In my own life there have been times where I have put my kids, my husband, my ministry before the Lord. I've been blessed that so far, He hasn't seen fit to take those things away from me to remind me of where my focus needs to be. Is there something in your life that you're placing before the Lord? Something that maybe was initially intended for good, and to bring God glory, but somehow began to be more about you, and taking your eyes off of the One who created you? Have you had a dream die in your arms and then asked God, as the woman from Shunem asked Elisha, "Didn’t I say, ‘Don’t deceive me and get my hopes up’"?


It's always easier for us to blame God, and make Him out to be the "bad guy who took something really good away from us". But maybe, just maybe, there's something good coming after it. Maybe our miracle comes after, so that we don't lose sight of the One thing that means more than anything. Our Lord. Our Creator.


But what do I know?

Definitely Worth the Read

Haiti Still Suffers When The Cameras Are Gone
by Bill Whitaker

The cameras are gone; Haiti is off the front pages. Now two months later, it's possible for those who experienced the magnitude 7.0 earthquake through the media to think of the devastation and the humanitarian crisis that followed in the past tense. Chile and health care and unemployment demand our attention. For the people of Haiti, however, the crisis continues — a constant, inescapable, overwhelming reality.


I was in Haiti for a month, arriving one week after the quake. The first week I spent in shock. I had lived through the Northridge quake that rocked Los Angeles in 1984. That was horrible. But nothing prepared me for the horror I encountered in Port-au-Prince.

Block after block after block was leveled. So many people in that impoverished Caribbean country had little to begin with. The earthquake left hundreds of thousands with nothing but their faith and their spirit.

I saw that faith and spirit in abundance. My CBS News crew and I met a middle-class woman, Madame Yolene Bartroni, whose house was the only one in her poor neighborhood still standing — cracked and unlivable, but standing. She opened the gates of her property to neighbors. More than 100 children, women and men joined Madame Bartroni and her family sleeping under makeshift tents in the yard.

Two weeks after the quake, no aid agencies had made it to her part of Port-au-Prince. So, with her salary as a hotel receptionist (she was one of the lucky Haitians still to have a job), she bought water and food and medicine and diapers. When she ran out of money, she tapped her family in the U.S., which used social networks to gather donations. Grateful neighbors say were it not for Madame Bartroni they'd be homeless and hungry in the streets. Holding back tears, Madame Bartroni told us they struggle to live day to day.

We saw that kind of giving every single day. People who had little sharing with those who had nothing.
It would have been understandable if Haitians had cursed their fate, but we witnessed just the opposite. Haitians are people of deep faith.

They marked the one month anniversary of the quake with prayer services all over the city. You could barely drive a block without seeing worshipers spilling out of the churches that were still standing or a congregation gathered where churches once stood.

Hymns filled the air. Hundreds of thousands of people gathered on the boulevards that surrounded the collapsed presidential palace, an ornate white structure that now resembles a melted wedding cake — hundreds of thousands solemnly praying for those who had died and joyously thankful for having survived.

When the minister called for five minutes of silence, the only sounds heard were quiet, heart-wrenching sobs here and there in the crowd. It was a powerful moment.

With the rainy season approaching and one million homeless people living in squalid tent cities, Haitians need all the faith and spirit they can muster. Proud and resilient as they are, they cannot get back up on their feet by themselves. They desperately need the helping hand the world extended immediately after the quake. Haitians wish they had the luxury of referring to this tragedy in the past tense. They need the world to remember it is their present and their future.

{Continue to keep the people of Haiti in your thoughts and prayers, even when they are removed from our eyes by the media...I look forward to serving them and seeing what God has in store when I go to Haiti in May.}

...4 years...

It occured to me today that it is March....big realization, I know...Now normally, the beginning of March signals to me a time of reminiscence about when Tyler and I first began our journey toward a relationship...this year, with so much going on and it beginning to slip further and further I had almost forgotten. almost. So let me go ahead and warn you up front, this one may get a little on the mushy, gushy, pluck your eyeballs out of your head b/c you're so warm and fuzzy with love side. For that I appologize.

4 years ago, I came home from college on a normal weekend to spend some time with my family. Very normal for me. I was (am) a homebody, and did not enjoy staying at school on the weekends. Upon my return home, I was told by my mother that we were heading to church for a Lay Renewal weekend...I had no clue what it was, but I was sure as heck not thrilled about it. I ended up being dragged choosing gracefully to go anyway. And, as they say, the rest is history. Tyler and I ended up spending a majority of the weekend together, talking, hanging out, really getting to know each other...and I started feeling something for him. But there was no way that this man that I've known my whole life as more of a brother, could possibly have the same feelings for me. However, much to my surprise and delight, he revealed that he did indeed have feelings for me, but was unsure about them and wanted to take things slowly. I agreed, and so we began a process of (what he called) "befriending". (If you're an HA Alumni, I'm sure this term is alot more common to you than it was to me at the time. If you're not so familiar, it is basically defined as "spending a lot of time together, talking, getting into each other's lives and truly finding out if this person could possibly be the one you really want to spend more time going crazy with) This time that we spent getting to know each other better was perhaps one of the sweetest times of my life (hopefully, our lives).

As I look back on these past 4 years, I am blown away by how much has changed and how much has stayed the same. I think we drive each other just as crazy as we did back then (some days maybe crazier since we can't walk away to our own separate corners). I think that we love each other as much as we did in the beginning of our relationship, just maybe in different ways (some days maybe more). I think we're more stressed at times, but that tends to happen with 3 kids under the age of 3. I am overwhelmed by how much my love for this amazing man grows by the day. Even when he drives me up the wall and all I want to do is smack him, there is something in me that knows that no matter how sticky the muck gets, we'll wade through it together. I've been reading Love & War by John and Stasi Eldridge recently, and have been LOVING it. One thing I read today that I absolutely loved was this:

"Here you are-make your stand. This is the man or woman whose heart you have been entrusted with. You really have no idea what depths of companionship are available until you venture into those waters, and hang in there for many years. Besides, your own transformation is barely under way. Who knows all that God has in store for both of you? We would say that at twenty-five years we are just beginning to understand."

Tyler Mother-Freakin Dagenhardt,

I am blown away by our relationship. Your love for me is overwhelming.

I know we drive each other up the wall some days and that I am NOT

always the easiest person to live with, but I am so grateful that you have

stuck it out with me through thick and thin.

I have so much respect for you and how hard you work to provide for

our family, and for the incredible example of a man that you are to our

children.We are lucky to have you in our lives.

You mean so much to so many people, and to simply be a part of

your life and ministry is such an honor and a blessing.

I love you with all my heart.

More today than yesterday,

but not as much as tomorrow.

~Jules

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

9And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I would rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

(yea, that pretty much says it all

Thank you Lord for Your grace.

Help me to be content in my weaknesses,

with insults,

with distresses,

with persecutions,

and difficulties.

When I am weak, then I am strong.

Amen.)

"Faith results in a reduction of spiritual uncertainty, but it often results in an increase in circumstantial uncertainty because God consistently calls us to go places and do things that require total reliance upon Him." {Mark Batterson, Chase the Lion}


"You do not know what you are going to do; the only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing...It is this attitude that keeps you in perperual wonder--you do not know what God is going to do next."



-OSWALD CHAMBERS, My Utmost for His Highest, 1935

Apparently this is a theme that God wants to shove in my face. It has popped up in two different places in the last 24 hours. I always thought that having faith would mean that I would be more certain and sure of what is going on in my life, but it has started to become more and more apparent that that is not always the way it is.
 
God allows us to have uncertainties in our life. Truthfully, it is what makes things interesting, most of the time. Many times we get bored with doing the same thing over and over again, and yearn for something new and different. But most of the time (at least for me) we want to know what that "newness" is going to be so we can prepare for it. In my own life it is extremely hard for me to let go of the reigns and allow God to "do His thing" so to speak. God wants me to rely completely on HIM. He doesn't want to be my co-pilot (I hate those stupid bumper stickers, by the way), but to be the one flying the plane while I'm sitting in the back knowing that He's going to get me where I need to go.
 
I have a very hard time with allowing someone else control over my life, and not doing anything....But I believe whole heartedly that God wants to make me more like Himself, and break me of having to always know what is coming ahead. I also believe this is one of the reasons He is calling me to Haiti. I have to let go and trust that He is going to work out the timing and the resources to get me there when the time comes. (It is also one of the reasons He gave me a husband that I cannot control, no matter what, but that is another story for another time :)).
 

What is God calling you to do?

What is He calling you to let go of?

Are you willing to take a leap of faith and allow Him

complete control?

I want to let go.

I want to be BROKEN.

I want more of HIM.

 

The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness

all who keep his covenant and obey his demands.

Psalm 25:10

 

Then Jesus told them, “I tell you the truth, if you have

faith and don’t doubt, you can do things like this and much more.

You can even say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up

and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen.

Matthew 21:21

God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful.

1 Thessalonians 5:24

Lyrics

This song has come to be one of my new favorites...I'm hoping to be able to sing it soon...hope the lyrics speak to you like they did to me.

Your Hands
BY KATIE HERZIG, JJ AND DAVID HELLER
(sung by JJ Heller)

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

Untitled

Much is in my head and on my heart today. Most is jumbled and I'm not sure where to start. So if I babble a little...well, it's what I do when I have a lot on my mind, so if you know me, you're probably used to it anyway. Know that I will eventually get to a point, even if it is not the one I started out heading towards... so here goes...

I am still waiting to hear something from GE about my application for the Haiti missions trip. I know that God is calling me there, and has given me a heart for these people, so I know and trust that HE will provide the timing and the resources for when I am supposed to go and what I am supposed to be doing while I am there. It is a strange feeling to yearn for something that you've never experienced, a place I've never even been, and honestly never thought much about until the earthquake happened January 12. It almost feels like there is an elephant on my chest every time I think about being able to go. I have no concerns about my children or family. I know they will be well taken care of while I am gone. I have no concerns about my safety (both of which are very strange for me). I am honestly not concerned about anything...besides actually hearing if I will be able to be a part of this particular trip.

Our Bible Study on Sunday nights has been going wonderfully. I am learning a lot and being challenged with a lot. I'm so thankful for Jeana and Six being willing to lead this and for the Spirit of God that has been showing up again and again in this group. I know that we are being called to step up and be leaders at Cornerstone and that our time is now. I've been praying that God would send someone(s) to lead our church to revival and draw the church closer to Him, I just never thought I would be one of the chosen ones. I am honored and feel unprepared for this undertaking. Lucky for me I serve a God who equips those He calls. :)

I am beyond excited about our Easter Cantata this year. It has some great music with powerful messages behind it. My wonderful husband will be helping with the drama and I know that it will be amazing. One of the songs in it is one of my most favorite worship song "In Christ Alone". I have such a hard time getting through this song, b/c everytime I hear it, I get overwhelmed thinking about what Christ did for me...I know this will make this post incredibly long but I'm going to post the lyrics to the song...if you've never heard this song, think about what it is saying...it's powerful.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

I've been thinking a lot about how blessed I am to live a life of such privilege. I know I've said this before, but it continues to hit me over and over how I am able to go to church without much hassle, turn on a running faucet of water anywhere in my home and safely drink what comes out of the tap, eat whatever I am in the mood for, etc...it blows my mind that people in third world countries have less than 1/10 of what I have and are SATISFIED and HAPPY...I am blessed beyond measure, and need to remember to be more thankful than what I am...

I think that's about all I've got for now...

much love,
Jules

Psalm 138:8:

8 The Lord will work out his plans for my life—
for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.
Don’t abandon me, for you made me.

I'm a planner.

Let me just say that out right. I don't like the unknown. I don't like not having some kind of a plan about what is going to happen. Things have to be mapped out, thought out, talked out, planned out. Remember this about me as you read what is coming.

I'm being called to Haiti.

Not long term (at least not that He's said as of now). But for a missions trip. I've never felt in my spirit a calling like this before. I've never felt like my heart is being pulled toward a country like it's being pulled toward Haiti. I have no idea what good I will be, but I know that God doesn't call the equipped, but equips those He calls. There are so many unknowns with this. Global Expeditions has a trip leaving in March for a week, but it is only open right now to GE and HA Alumni. Which I am neither. So my actually going is up in the air. If the trip in March fills up, they will bump people to 3 other subsequent trips. One of the aforementioned trips happens to fall the week that I have already scheduled off for vacation with the family....coincidence or God's hand? Since I don't believe in coincidence, you can probably figure out what I've already decided on. I don't have a passport, have never been further than South Carolina (unless you count going to Florida with my grandparents when I was 5 and don't really have a good memory of the trip), and have most certainly never gone anywhere without my safety net (Tyler or someone in my family or church). Lots of unknowns. Lots of inability to plan for what is next. Lots of things I'm not used to.

And so my faith is tested.

Not broken, nor will it be.

But tested, and knowing my God, strengthened as well.

I know this is where I'm supposed to be.

I know this is the will of the Lord.

I know that this will change my perspective on the whole world.

I know God knows what He's doing.

{Lord, I know You love me. I know you are in complete control. I know that you know how crazy I am when I have no control, and I love You for breaking that in me. Help me rely on you and trust you. Give me no desire to try to plan for every little thing that may be coming my way, but to know that You know my future. You have big plans for this little woman, and I ask that you give me the strength and the ability to carry them out. I love you Daddy.}

Jumbled Thoughts...

I took my daughter and youngest son to the doctor this morning...something that, with three kids, happens more often than I prefer. It was quite a long appointment, since the doctor saw both kids at the same time and had to draw one's blood and do a nebulizer treatment on the other...all things they do NOT tell you about BEFORE you become a parent....but I digress...

I went into work later in the day and checked in with a blog of a missionary family that has been living and serving in Haiti ( www.livesayhaiti.blogspot.com ) and found a link to a newspaper article with pictures, very graphic ones, of the rubble and some of the people and so forth. One of the ones that disturbed me most was a picture of a little boy getting his hair cut in the street, with tears running down his face. The caption below the picture said that he was crying because he was hungry. This broke my heart.

Tyler and I are blessed to be able to take our children to the doctor when they are running a fever, sniffling, or even if we just have a "feeling" that something is wrong with them. We have been blessed to be able to put a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs and food in their stomachs. Although we don't always have the extra money to spend on the things we sometimes want, we are still able to do what needs to be done and sometimes a little more.

but these parents can't.

I can't imagine looking into the face of my children day after day, not knowing how they are going to be fed, watching them cry because they are hungry, or because they are afraid of sleeping in the street, or that the earth is going to once again shake beneath their feet and take more from them. I can't imagine trying to stay strong in such despair.

Then I read some of the comments at the end of the story...

Some said the same things I've been feeling; how sad it all is and how they wish they could help and how they feel such sympathy for this hurting nation. Then came the idiots, who say the Haitian people are just waiting for a handout, taking advantage of the aid that is coming their way, sitting on their butts while we are doing all the work, etc. And it made me a little angry.

How can we POSSIBLY understand what these people are going through? Their entire world has literally been moved from underneath them. Everything they once thought was "safe", has now been shattered. They have watched as their homes collapsed, their loved ones dying in front of their eyes, people being pulled from rubble, burning and burying corpses because help is not getting to them fast enough. I could go on for days. And we have the audacity to sit back and pretend that we have ANY sort of an idea of what we would do when presented with the same situation. These people are trying to do the best they can to survive. Granted, there may be some who are going about things the wrong way, but from what I can tell, most are doing more than their fair share to pick up the pieces and make a new life for themselves and their families. They have no choice but to rely on outside help and aide from other countries, because there is NOTHING left in Port-au-Prince but rubble and people.

If you disagree with any of this, fine. That's your right. But if you can do nothing besides sneer at these people and their time of despair, pray. Ask God to help you see them through HIS eyes. Understand that they are hurting, and that this grieves the Father. I pray that more help may be able to be sent in. I wish I had the skills that are needed so that I may be of more help than I am. For now, I'm a warrior on my knees. Continue praying for this nation and her people. Even when the news forgets them, and chooses to only show the bad side of the situation, continue to pray. Know that we serve Jehovah Jirah, God our Provider, who will take care of His people.

Kenbe Fem, Haiti.

Inhale, Exhale.

I'm going to stop praying for things....I think God has a sense of humor about my prayers. I'm not like most people who have to pray a long time for things. I ask for patience, He goes "you want patience? All 3 kids are going to pitch fits all day long, and want your undivided attention all at the same time...with runny noses". I ask for freedom from financial worries and say I want to let go of my anxiety about money, He's like "you want to trust me more? let's see how you do when you have LESS money". *sigh* Not allowing this to get to me. I know He is in control. I know that as long as I trust Him, He will provide....

Just gotta breathe.

{ps, we're supposed to be having a Love and Respect Seminar at church tonight (as long as this dumb snow holds off). I'm really looking forward to it, and hope it doesn't get cancelled. I bought the book, and just by the 3rd chapter, I've already seen alot in my own relationship that needs work. I'll most definitely be posting about those as I go along. Can't wait to read more!}

Reconditioning My Reflexes...

"While Jesus calls us to be rovolutionaries, Satan wants to turn us into reactionaries. He wants to condition our reflexes with guilt and fear. Jesus came to recondition our reflexes."
(Mark Batterson- Chase the Lion)

Lot's going on in my head, and in my heart. Had a...stretching week, let's say. Our young adult small group has started a study called "Chase the Lion" on Sunday nights, and can I just say WOW. God is showing Himself to me in a major way, and I know that He's doing amazing things in other's lives as well. I didn't realize just how much this past week's study had affected me until Sunday night when we were discussing it during class...

There are so many places in my life I've become complacent in. I hate that. I've been lax in my quiet times, in my Bible study, even in my prayer life...not going out of my way to be sinful, but allowing the enemy enough of a foothold in my life to make me ineffective in any form of ministry. Even in music, which I have always loved and used as a form of worship and way to give back to the One who has given me everything, it has become more of a "blah" thing I do from time to time...what IS that?!

So I've made some resolutions and I've set my mind and heart on them. I decided I needed to do two things. 1, write them down and keep them in my purse so I'll always have them close. 2, told some of them to other people so that I remain accountable for them. I always get into some kind of kick and say "I'm going to do better" and get fired up and let it dwindle....not this time. I want this too bad. I need this too bad. Not just for me but for the lives of those I'm supposed to touch.
So here are a few (I'd give you all, but some of them are personal, and really need to stay that way.)
~Start daily quiet/prayer times at 5 am.
~Stay in "Prayer Mode"
~Tithe regularly
~Read more "spiritual" books
~Call/Visit my grandparents more
~Become more involved in church
~Be cleaner (Tyler will applaud this one, haha)

So that's what's going on in that area of my life...many changes, but I know for the better.

And now for something completely different...
*It's getting close to birthday season...JP turns 3 in April, Ethan will be 1 in June, and Allie will be 2 in July...they're back to back to back...so around the end of February, I'll be starting planning, purchasing, etc...bring on the chaos!
*I've been borderline obsessed with keeping informed about the Earthquake in Haiti. There's a missionary blog that I've been using to stay updated ( livesayhaiti.blogspot.com ) and seeing all the amazing things that are being done there, by ordinary people to save lives of the Haitian people, blows my mind. Try looking at this country and all that is being done, and the miracles walking out daily, and try to tell me my God isn't in control, and doesn't still work miracles on a day to day basis. I'm continuing to keep them close in my prayers, because I know there is not a quick end to this in sight. {Kenbe Fem, Haiti}
*A lady I worked with (and her ex-husband) were murdered over the weekend. It's hard to believe that someone who was so close to me was killed, and hard to believe that I will never be able to see her again. I was never able to have a conversation about faith with her, so I don't know if she was a christian, but I pray that she was. I pray for her family.She left behind a daughter and a son with two grandchildren...her other son just passed away last week, and losing a brother and both parents within a week is unfathomable to me. So sad...

I believe that's all I've got for right now...breathing a little easier knowing I've put all my thoughts down. :)

Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.
Ephesians 4:20

New Beginnings

It seems to me that if you or I must choose between two courses of thought or action, we should remember our dying and try so to live that our death brings no pleasure on the world.
-John Steinbeck

There have been so many things going on the last few days. Much happiness, saddness, excitement, and a wide array of other emotions that I can only describe as what comes with a new year.

My grandfather passed away a week ago today. It was a sad, yet happy time. He had been diagnosed with a rapid moving form of cancer about a month before and it is what brought him home to Jesus arms. It was hard because he was suffering a lot in the final days, so knowing he is in his Savior's presence with no pain or suffering is a comfort.

Mr. Dagenhardt and I celebrated three years of chaos on the 31st of December by heading to Asheville for a few days. We had a wonderful (childfree!!) weekend and got to focus just on us for a little while. I realize daily how blessed I am to be with such a wonderful man who loves the Lord, our children and me. I couldn't ask for more.

I think that's about all I've got for now. Still praying for the people of Haiti. I really wish I spoke the language (I think it's Creole in that area) or had some medical experience or something so that I could be of some help. For now I'll just stick to lifting them up in prayer to my heavenly Daddy, knowing that He is in control, and hopefully returning VERY soon!

love,
Jules