2 Corinthians 12:9-10

9And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I would rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. 10 Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

(yea, that pretty much says it all

Thank you Lord for Your grace.

Help me to be content in my weaknesses,

with insults,

with distresses,

with persecutions,

and difficulties.

When I am weak, then I am strong.

Amen.)

"Faith results in a reduction of spiritual uncertainty, but it often results in an increase in circumstantial uncertainty because God consistently calls us to go places and do things that require total reliance upon Him." {Mark Batterson, Chase the Lion}


"You do not know what you are going to do; the only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing...It is this attitude that keeps you in perperual wonder--you do not know what God is going to do next."



-OSWALD CHAMBERS, My Utmost for His Highest, 1935

Apparently this is a theme that God wants to shove in my face. It has popped up in two different places in the last 24 hours. I always thought that having faith would mean that I would be more certain and sure of what is going on in my life, but it has started to become more and more apparent that that is not always the way it is.
 
God allows us to have uncertainties in our life. Truthfully, it is what makes things interesting, most of the time. Many times we get bored with doing the same thing over and over again, and yearn for something new and different. But most of the time (at least for me) we want to know what that "newness" is going to be so we can prepare for it. In my own life it is extremely hard for me to let go of the reigns and allow God to "do His thing" so to speak. God wants me to rely completely on HIM. He doesn't want to be my co-pilot (I hate those stupid bumper stickers, by the way), but to be the one flying the plane while I'm sitting in the back knowing that He's going to get me where I need to go.
 
I have a very hard time with allowing someone else control over my life, and not doing anything....But I believe whole heartedly that God wants to make me more like Himself, and break me of having to always know what is coming ahead. I also believe this is one of the reasons He is calling me to Haiti. I have to let go and trust that He is going to work out the timing and the resources to get me there when the time comes. (It is also one of the reasons He gave me a husband that I cannot control, no matter what, but that is another story for another time :)).
 

What is God calling you to do?

What is He calling you to let go of?

Are you willing to take a leap of faith and allow Him

complete control?

I want to let go.

I want to be BROKEN.

I want more of HIM.

 

The Lord leads with unfailing love and faithfulness

all who keep his covenant and obey his demands.

Psalm 25:10

 

Then Jesus told them, “I tell you the truth, if you have

faith and don’t doubt, you can do things like this and much more.

You can even say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up

and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen.

Matthew 21:21

God will make this happen, for he who calls you is faithful.

1 Thessalonians 5:24

Lyrics

This song has come to be one of my new favorites...I'm hoping to be able to sing it soon...hope the lyrics speak to you like they did to me.

Your Hands
BY KATIE HERZIG, JJ AND DAVID HELLER
(sung by JJ Heller)

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That you would take my pain away
You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

When you walked upon the earth
You healed the broken, lost and hurt
I know you hate to see me cry
One day you will set all things right
Yeah, one day you will set all things right

When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave your hands

Your hands that shaped the world
Are holding me
They hold me still

Untitled

Much is in my head and on my heart today. Most is jumbled and I'm not sure where to start. So if I babble a little...well, it's what I do when I have a lot on my mind, so if you know me, you're probably used to it anyway. Know that I will eventually get to a point, even if it is not the one I started out heading towards... so here goes...

I am still waiting to hear something from GE about my application for the Haiti missions trip. I know that God is calling me there, and has given me a heart for these people, so I know and trust that HE will provide the timing and the resources for when I am supposed to go and what I am supposed to be doing while I am there. It is a strange feeling to yearn for something that you've never experienced, a place I've never even been, and honestly never thought much about until the earthquake happened January 12. It almost feels like there is an elephant on my chest every time I think about being able to go. I have no concerns about my children or family. I know they will be well taken care of while I am gone. I have no concerns about my safety (both of which are very strange for me). I am honestly not concerned about anything...besides actually hearing if I will be able to be a part of this particular trip.

Our Bible Study on Sunday nights has been going wonderfully. I am learning a lot and being challenged with a lot. I'm so thankful for Jeana and Six being willing to lead this and for the Spirit of God that has been showing up again and again in this group. I know that we are being called to step up and be leaders at Cornerstone and that our time is now. I've been praying that God would send someone(s) to lead our church to revival and draw the church closer to Him, I just never thought I would be one of the chosen ones. I am honored and feel unprepared for this undertaking. Lucky for me I serve a God who equips those He calls. :)

I am beyond excited about our Easter Cantata this year. It has some great music with powerful messages behind it. My wonderful husband will be helping with the drama and I know that it will be amazing. One of the songs in it is one of my most favorite worship song "In Christ Alone". I have such a hard time getting through this song, b/c everytime I hear it, I get overwhelmed thinking about what Christ did for me...I know this will make this post incredibly long but I'm going to post the lyrics to the song...if you've never heard this song, think about what it is saying...it's powerful.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

I've been thinking a lot about how blessed I am to live a life of such privilege. I know I've said this before, but it continues to hit me over and over how I am able to go to church without much hassle, turn on a running faucet of water anywhere in my home and safely drink what comes out of the tap, eat whatever I am in the mood for, etc...it blows my mind that people in third world countries have less than 1/10 of what I have and are SATISFIED and HAPPY...I am blessed beyond measure, and need to remember to be more thankful than what I am...

I think that's about all I've got for now...

much love,
Jules

Psalm 138:8:

8 The Lord will work out his plans for my life—
for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.
Don’t abandon me, for you made me.

I'm a planner.

Let me just say that out right. I don't like the unknown. I don't like not having some kind of a plan about what is going to happen. Things have to be mapped out, thought out, talked out, planned out. Remember this about me as you read what is coming.

I'm being called to Haiti.

Not long term (at least not that He's said as of now). But for a missions trip. I've never felt in my spirit a calling like this before. I've never felt like my heart is being pulled toward a country like it's being pulled toward Haiti. I have no idea what good I will be, but I know that God doesn't call the equipped, but equips those He calls. There are so many unknowns with this. Global Expeditions has a trip leaving in March for a week, but it is only open right now to GE and HA Alumni. Which I am neither. So my actually going is up in the air. If the trip in March fills up, they will bump people to 3 other subsequent trips. One of the aforementioned trips happens to fall the week that I have already scheduled off for vacation with the family....coincidence or God's hand? Since I don't believe in coincidence, you can probably figure out what I've already decided on. I don't have a passport, have never been further than South Carolina (unless you count going to Florida with my grandparents when I was 5 and don't really have a good memory of the trip), and have most certainly never gone anywhere without my safety net (Tyler or someone in my family or church). Lots of unknowns. Lots of inability to plan for what is next. Lots of things I'm not used to.

And so my faith is tested.

Not broken, nor will it be.

But tested, and knowing my God, strengthened as well.

I know this is where I'm supposed to be.

I know this is the will of the Lord.

I know that this will change my perspective on the whole world.

I know God knows what He's doing.

{Lord, I know You love me. I know you are in complete control. I know that you know how crazy I am when I have no control, and I love You for breaking that in me. Help me rely on you and trust you. Give me no desire to try to plan for every little thing that may be coming my way, but to know that You know my future. You have big plans for this little woman, and I ask that you give me the strength and the ability to carry them out. I love you Daddy.}

Jumbled Thoughts...

I took my daughter and youngest son to the doctor this morning...something that, with three kids, happens more often than I prefer. It was quite a long appointment, since the doctor saw both kids at the same time and had to draw one's blood and do a nebulizer treatment on the other...all things they do NOT tell you about BEFORE you become a parent....but I digress...

I went into work later in the day and checked in with a blog of a missionary family that has been living and serving in Haiti ( www.livesayhaiti.blogspot.com ) and found a link to a newspaper article with pictures, very graphic ones, of the rubble and some of the people and so forth. One of the ones that disturbed me most was a picture of a little boy getting his hair cut in the street, with tears running down his face. The caption below the picture said that he was crying because he was hungry. This broke my heart.

Tyler and I are blessed to be able to take our children to the doctor when they are running a fever, sniffling, or even if we just have a "feeling" that something is wrong with them. We have been blessed to be able to put a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs and food in their stomachs. Although we don't always have the extra money to spend on the things we sometimes want, we are still able to do what needs to be done and sometimes a little more.

but these parents can't.

I can't imagine looking into the face of my children day after day, not knowing how they are going to be fed, watching them cry because they are hungry, or because they are afraid of sleeping in the street, or that the earth is going to once again shake beneath their feet and take more from them. I can't imagine trying to stay strong in such despair.

Then I read some of the comments at the end of the story...

Some said the same things I've been feeling; how sad it all is and how they wish they could help and how they feel such sympathy for this hurting nation. Then came the idiots, who say the Haitian people are just waiting for a handout, taking advantage of the aid that is coming their way, sitting on their butts while we are doing all the work, etc. And it made me a little angry.

How can we POSSIBLY understand what these people are going through? Their entire world has literally been moved from underneath them. Everything they once thought was "safe", has now been shattered. They have watched as their homes collapsed, their loved ones dying in front of their eyes, people being pulled from rubble, burning and burying corpses because help is not getting to them fast enough. I could go on for days. And we have the audacity to sit back and pretend that we have ANY sort of an idea of what we would do when presented with the same situation. These people are trying to do the best they can to survive. Granted, there may be some who are going about things the wrong way, but from what I can tell, most are doing more than their fair share to pick up the pieces and make a new life for themselves and their families. They have no choice but to rely on outside help and aide from other countries, because there is NOTHING left in Port-au-Prince but rubble and people.

If you disagree with any of this, fine. That's your right. But if you can do nothing besides sneer at these people and their time of despair, pray. Ask God to help you see them through HIS eyes. Understand that they are hurting, and that this grieves the Father. I pray that more help may be able to be sent in. I wish I had the skills that are needed so that I may be of more help than I am. For now, I'm a warrior on my knees. Continue praying for this nation and her people. Even when the news forgets them, and chooses to only show the bad side of the situation, continue to pray. Know that we serve Jehovah Jirah, God our Provider, who will take care of His people.

Kenbe Fem, Haiti.