so the first actual break down came tonight. we were watching a show where a kid's mom had just died and it showed him watching a video of one of his birthdays with her in it and for some reason, all i could think was "what if i die in Haiti? will that be my kids?" and then the tears came.
i know it's dumb. satan uses dumb tricks to try to move us away from where God wants us.
he won't move me.
I know my God has called me to Haiti and He will direct my paths. And with the resolve of the 3 hebrew boys in Babylon I know that "even if He does not deliver me I will still trust Him".
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
20 days
I will be in Haiti in 20 days. The details are coming together. Time is moving in fast motion, all heading toward the day that I will head to Raleigh, get on board a train and head towards Miami on my way to Ayiti.
I know I've said this several times, but there is so much on my mind as I grow closer to the day I leave. I'm not afraid. I know that sounds strange, but I'm honestly not afraid of the actual trip. Even though this will be my first intense missions trip and first time on an airplane and first time leaving the country and first time traveling anywhere by myself....none of that worries me.
I'm sad to say it, but the one thing that really rattles me is being away from Tyler. I've always had him there. He's always been my buffer when I've had to deal with new and frightening things. He's the "been there, done that" guy. He knows almost everything. It's so much easier to let him take the lead when we're together. I've just always allowed him to be that rock for me. I know, sad. I feel as though one of the reasons God has called me to Haiti is to put me in a place and position where I have to rely on Him, and ONLY Him. No Tyler, no parents, no friends, no kids to hide behind. Just me, pressing into the Lord and allowing HIM to be my strength.
So here I go. Taking a step into the unknown, knowing that that step will be met by the One who has called me. The One who knows exactly how many days I have. Who sees and understands all that I am dealing with now, and that I will be dealing with on my way to, while I'm in and heading back from Haiti. I'm such a jerk human, with stupid human emotions and feelings. It's time to let go and give it all to my Daddy.
In case anyone else is actually reading this besides me and God, I am in need of about $1000 more to get me there. Satan keeps throwing crap in our path and making things pop up that require the money that I thought we could allot for the trip. Shots are costing more, etc. But I know that my God is faithful and will provide. He doesn't call us to something and then just leave us hanging on a limb without any way to get to where He's wanting us to go. So if you're feeling a tugging in your spirit to help a sista out ;) anything would be greatly appreciated.
I think this is all I've got for now. I'm exhausted. The kids and I have been at my parent's house over the weekend because Tyler is sick and it's easier to just move us out and not have to worry about any germs that may be lurking around the house until I know he's better. I didn't get much sleep last night, and haven't had much rest today...and truthfully, am just missing my better half. But I am enjoying getting to spend some time with the rents. So it's not all bad. I just miss my bed. :) It's a GREAT bed. I'll miss that in Haiti too.
Jules
I know I've said this several times, but there is so much on my mind as I grow closer to the day I leave. I'm not afraid. I know that sounds strange, but I'm honestly not afraid of the actual trip. Even though this will be my first intense missions trip and first time on an airplane and first time leaving the country and first time traveling anywhere by myself....none of that worries me.
I'm sad to say it, but the one thing that really rattles me is being away from Tyler. I've always had him there. He's always been my buffer when I've had to deal with new and frightening things. He's the "been there, done that" guy. He knows almost everything. It's so much easier to let him take the lead when we're together. I've just always allowed him to be that rock for me. I know, sad. I feel as though one of the reasons God has called me to Haiti is to put me in a place and position where I have to rely on Him, and ONLY Him. No Tyler, no parents, no friends, no kids to hide behind. Just me, pressing into the Lord and allowing HIM to be my strength.
So here I go. Taking a step into the unknown, knowing that that step will be met by the One who has called me. The One who knows exactly how many days I have. Who sees and understands all that I am dealing with now, and that I will be dealing with on my way to, while I'm in and heading back from Haiti. I'm such a jerk human, with stupid human emotions and feelings. It's time to let go and give it all to my Daddy.
In case anyone else is actually reading this besides me and God, I am in need of about $1000 more to get me there. Satan keeps throwing crap in our path and making things pop up that require the money that I thought we could allot for the trip. Shots are costing more, etc. But I know that my God is faithful and will provide. He doesn't call us to something and then just leave us hanging on a limb without any way to get to where He's wanting us to go. So if you're feeling a tugging in your spirit to help a sista out ;) anything would be greatly appreciated.
I think this is all I've got for now. I'm exhausted. The kids and I have been at my parent's house over the weekend because Tyler is sick and it's easier to just move us out and not have to worry about any germs that may be lurking around the house until I know he's better. I didn't get much sleep last night, and haven't had much rest today...and truthfully, am just missing my better half. But I am enjoying getting to spend some time with the rents. So it's not all bad. I just miss my bed. :) It's a GREAT bed. I'll miss that in Haiti too.
Jules
Thursday, April 15, 2010
...it's been awhile...
Much has happened since the last time I blogged. I know that I should be doing better with this thing, but with 3 kids at home and lots going on at work and church, the blog gets a little ignored. Sorry about that for the 2 people who actually probably read this...
I (officially) got my seat on the flight to Haiti!! Praise the Lord!! I know that He is in this completely, and know that He is going to get me there. Money is tight right now, and I know that there's a lot that will come up in the next 4 weeks that Satan will use to try to dissuade me from going, but I'm trusting in My Father that this is His will and I will stay strong. There is lots to do; paperwork to be filled out and sent off, shots to be gotten (yuck) and money that needs to come in. but My God is big. And He is in control.
I don't have a whole lot more to say, so I'll leave you with two things. The first are the verses that God has given me for this trip. It's hard for me to understand that He has truly chosen me for this trip and to really be His hands and feet to the people of Haiti. But these verses let my heart know that He has chosen me and is going to use me in a mighty way. The second is the lyrics to the song that has become my "Haiti Song". :) Enjoy.
Isaiah 49:1-7
1 Listen to me, all you in distant lands!
Pay attention, you who are far away!
The Lord called me before my birth;
from within the womb he called me by name.
2 He made my words of judgment as sharp as a sword.
He has hidden me in the shadow of his hand.
I am like a sharp arrow in his quiver.
3 He said to me, “You are my servant, Israel,
and you will bring me glory.”
4 I replied, “But my work seems so useless!
I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose.
Yet I leave it all in the Lord’s hand;
I will trust God for my reward.”
5 And now the Lord speaks—
the one who formed me in my mother’s womb to be his servant,
who commissioned me to bring Israel back to him.
The Lord has honored me,
and my God has given me strength.
6 He says, “You will do more than restore the people of Israel to me.
I will make you a light to the Gentiles,
and you will bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.”
7 The Lord, the Redeemer
and Holy One of Israel,
says to the one who is despised and rejected by the nations,
to the one who is the servant of rulers:
“Kings will stand at attention when you pass by.
Princes will also bow low
because of the Lord, the faithful one,
the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you.”
Shadowfeet {Brooke Frasier}
Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
toward home, a land that i've never seen
I am changing, less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when i began
and i have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day
[CHORUS]
when the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you
Theres distraction buzzing in my head
saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
but I've heard rumours of true reality
whispers of a well-lit way
[CHORUS]
You make all things new
You make all things new
You make all things new
You make all things
You make all things
[CHORUS 2]
When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you
I (officially) got my seat on the flight to Haiti!! Praise the Lord!! I know that He is in this completely, and know that He is going to get me there. Money is tight right now, and I know that there's a lot that will come up in the next 4 weeks that Satan will use to try to dissuade me from going, but I'm trusting in My Father that this is His will and I will stay strong. There is lots to do; paperwork to be filled out and sent off, shots to be gotten (yuck) and money that needs to come in. but My God is big. And He is in control.
I don't have a whole lot more to say, so I'll leave you with two things. The first are the verses that God has given me for this trip. It's hard for me to understand that He has truly chosen me for this trip and to really be His hands and feet to the people of Haiti. But these verses let my heart know that He has chosen me and is going to use me in a mighty way. The second is the lyrics to the song that has become my "Haiti Song". :) Enjoy.
Isaiah 49:1-7
1 Listen to me, all you in distant lands!
Pay attention, you who are far away!
The Lord called me before my birth;
from within the womb he called me by name.
2 He made my words of judgment as sharp as a sword.
He has hidden me in the shadow of his hand.
I am like a sharp arrow in his quiver.
3 He said to me, “You are my servant, Israel,
and you will bring me glory.”
4 I replied, “But my work seems so useless!
I have spent my strength for nothing and to no purpose.
Yet I leave it all in the Lord’s hand;
I will trust God for my reward.”
5 And now the Lord speaks—
the one who formed me in my mother’s womb to be his servant,
who commissioned me to bring Israel back to him.
The Lord has honored me,
and my God has given me strength.
6 He says, “You will do more than restore the people of Israel to me.
I will make you a light to the Gentiles,
and you will bring my salvation to the ends of the earth.”
7 The Lord, the Redeemer
and Holy One of Israel,
says to the one who is despised and rejected by the nations,
to the one who is the servant of rulers:
“Kings will stand at attention when you pass by.
Princes will also bow low
because of the Lord, the faithful one,
the Holy One of Israel, who has chosen you.”
Shadowfeet {Brooke Frasier}
Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
toward home, a land that i've never seen
I am changing, less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when i began
and i have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day
[CHORUS]
when the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you
Theres distraction buzzing in my head
saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
but I've heard rumours of true reality
whispers of a well-lit way
[CHORUS]
You make all things new
You make all things new
You make all things new
You make all things
You make all things
[CHORUS 2]
When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you
when time and space are through
I'll be found in you
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